Marriage? - A quick guide to the Groom

To the Groom

• Guy, you will be flying on cloud nine with your fiancé in your dreams about married life. Nothing wrong so enjoy your dreams at the same time prepare yourself to face the new life and responsibility.

• A wife loves her husband more than anyone in this world (keep aside the jokes and let us make some serious talks man!). All a woman expect from her husband is just love hence never underestimate her role in your life irrespective of her contribution financially. Woman can do anything for their husband just for his ‘love’ which means she can even adjust with her in-laws for his love. So be a wise husband.

• Talk with your fiancé about honeymoon… e.g. what’s your budget, where you want to go, how many days of holiday you are planning etc. If you involve her it ensures a smooth start of your life.

• Ensure you give a pleasant life to the girl who comes to live with your rest of her life. You will not like to see your sister suffer in her married life, likewise your wife also deserves the same from you.

• Never let your ego take over you as it will not just stop with that but ruin peace at home, bring a toughness in relationship, separation…….. at the end of your journey all you are left with will be unpleasant memories. Your wife is your equal partner in life hence never hesitate to initiate a talk after your fight or in saying ‘sorry’ and accepting your mistakes. If mistake is on her side, then learn to forgive her (in mind. Never consider this gesture as a favour. It is your duty) and try to change her to the right path with your affection & love.

• Should maintain a balance between relationships. [you, your wife, you parents, your siblings and your parents-in-law.

• You need to devote same attention and love to your wife as you would do for your parents / siblings and vice versa. Never neglect your wife or your parents for the sake of the other.

• Never let the privacy you both need dwindle at any point of your life unless the situation requires you both to do so (use your reasoning ability). As this factor also leads to fights or separation, be wise.

Be clear about the following :-

1. There are matters which you need to discuss with your wife and not tell your parents.
2. There are matters which you need to discuss with your wife and also with our parents.
3. There are personal matters which you need not tell your parents after marriage and maintain between only both of you. 
4. Never make fun of your in-laws to your wife or to your parents (you are the bridge between two families like how your wife acts between your's and her's)
5. Never make fun of your spouse in front of others if she is not easy going.

• Any violation in the above will only result in unpleasant situations and a drift in the relationship.

• If your wife loses her temper soon or take petty things to her heart, becomes emotional and argues, you don’t reply back as it will only pour more fuel into the burning fire. Instead just give an understanding smile, hear her and ensure a moral support to her. If she is wrong make her understand that diplomatically. No shouting back. No punishing. No hard feelings. As these things only create a distance between you too. If you are a wise man you can turn your woman a wise one just like you.

• If your spouse is working, lend her support at home in doing chores. Never feel that it is only her duty. If you happen to reach home before her, when she comes, be neatly dressed, with beaming face & smiile welcome her back. This is not a general rule just for a wife but also applies for a husband. She will be coming home hungry and may appreciate it very much if you serve her some snack & beverage (made or bought) which will boost her energy levels. Like you she also would have faced some hard situations at office or outside during commutation. Listen to her if she wish to share her day’s happenings.

• Compliment her. This is a small boost required in life and goes a long way. It is the best gift too than material gifts

• You may also play a role as a father hence be a responsible man and a father to your child / children so that they will also become one like you in their life. Thus you are passing a great unperishable asset to your coming generations.

Wish you a happy Husband-hood.


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Other related posts :-

1. Quick life guide to Parents-in-law  
2. Quick life guide to Bride
3. Quick life guide to Bride and Groom

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Marriage? - A quick guide to Parents-in-law

  

Marriage is an important turning point not only in the couple's life but also the life of the people closely related to them.

People who have grown up so many years in two different environments comes together to start a life. Both will have difference in their thoughts and actions.

No one can change themselves 100% to suit the new environments. It is not fair to expect it to happen from one person. Adjustment should happen between husband and wife, DIL and her in-laws, son and his parents / siblings equally.

Like how we prepare ourselves to face an exam or an interview, the same way, the bride, the groom and the in-laws should prepare themselves a little for the new role they are going to play and on the new responsibility they need to take. 

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For the boy’s parents :-       

• You want your son to get married. That means your involvement in arranging and conducting the marriage no less to the Girl’s parents. So be matured enough to come forward to share the responsibilities.

• Co-ordinated effort (not intervention) will make the event a great success. Thus make it even more memorable not only for you but also for many viz., your son, your DIL, your DIL’s Parents, relatives of both sides. If no one has done it in your family, you become the role model and bring in the change.

• While you talk about fixing the marriage be clear on what your expectation is. You and the girls parents if talk & plan together, unnecessary spending can be curtailed. If girl’s parents insist on spending then make them understand if that money is of better use then let them make an Fixed Deposit in the name of their daughter which will help her in long way.

• When you mention “do as per your capacity. We have no demands” let that word come from your heart. Never find faults and complain later. Instead be responsible matured parent and lend your support to the girl’s parents to avoid any faults or just accept things as they are because it your son’s marriage. You want to make it pleasant right?

• Two families are going to come together that means both side relatives are also coming together. Earning a relation is not an easy job. Hence ignore small mistakes and learn to live with a smile.

• The girl who is going to marry your son is also going to be part of your family hence a ‘family member’. Never treat and never ever think her as an outsider in any situation.

• Girl is born and brought up in a different environment. Every girl for a marriage may not be perfect as married life is going to be a first & important experience in her life. Marriage for her is like uprooting a grown up tree to a new place which may require lot of time for the tree to settle in the new place. Understand that and make her feel comfortable by giving her a friendly & homely environment. Forget your egos as it will lead you to nowhere near peace in the family.

• Consider the bride as your daughter and not ‘like’ your daughter. Both term has a huge gap in meaning. Never allow that gap come in the relationship. You are already parents to a child / children hence showing parental affection, love and responsibility towards a new married girl coming to your home is not a new thing for you.

• At the same understand that for her it is not going to be an easy task to consider you as her parents unless you show her the true parental love towards her.

"RESPECT AND LOVE should be reciprocated"

• Give respect and take respect should be realized in right manner. Giving respect doesn’t mean one should respect you for your age. But it means respect you for your wonderful thoughts, words and actions. It means “Respect you for the person in you and not for your age”.

• No one likes to be commanded. So win your place in her heart with your love and not with your command. You are elders but show that elderliness in your matured responsible thoughts, words and actions.

• You have also passed that newly-wed experience in your life. The chemistry between you and your spouse might have been different but you must learn to adjust with the change of time. Hence never interfere in your son’s life.

• You may have a daughter who might have come with her husband to stay with you. Never let your son & DIL’s privacy go off while you try to make your daughter & son-in-law feel have their privacy at your home. Like your daughter and son-in-law, your son and DIL also shares the same relationship between them. If this simple thing is understood & practiced major problems will not arise.

• Never interfere in any fights between your son and DIL unless you are matured enough to handle them unbiased. If you feel that your DIL has no right to talk like that with your son that only means that you are not considering her as a part of the family or as your son’s wife.

• Never fight or argue in front of your son & DIL. If you do so, you only set a bad example to them because married life is a new experience for them.

• If you have any complaints about your DIL never tell that directly to her. Instead talk to your son but definitely not in a complaining mode or tone but as a responsible parent by keeping your cool. But make it clear to him that you want him to handle this diplomatically and not emotionally. After all DIL is your family member and your son’s happiness also depends on her’s.

• Find out the interest of your DIL and suitably reward her (take your son’s help wherever required) which will bring a lovely bond between you both which is very very essential in any relationship.

• Last but not the least, your DIL has equal responsibility on her parents like your son does for you. So never complain when she has to deliver her duties towards her parents. Give your full support.

• You be an example to your Son and Daughter-in-law so that he / she will become a good mother / father not only to their child / children but also for the future son-in-law(s) / daughter –in-law(s)

Wish you a lovely enjoyable Parent-in-lawhood


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For the Girl’s Parents:-  

• Never feel yourself inferior to boy’s parents. You are equal counterparts. Time has changed. Instead of keeping a distance, try to befriend them.

• If you find boy’s side very demanding, think whether your daughter will be happy living with them. Because in India the tradition demands various things / rituals on various occasions. Only when you are confident of doing all that in future, you proceed.

• Commit only things that are within your capacity. Taking loans and ruining your future will not make your daughter happy as she will be thinking about you.

• If the Boy’s parents tell you not to spend money unnecessarily and still you want to spend money better go as per the advise and make an FD in your daughter’s name for the amount you have saved which will help her.

• Make your daughter realize the responsibility she is going to take, how she should live in her new environment etc. Never make her feel inferior to anyone. Impart the virtue of patience in her.

• Give her a support wherever required. Never interfere in her family matters unnecessarily. You as a parent should act more maturedly and responsibly incase she complains about her family. Hear her and diplomatically make her understand on how to handle situations. Because when she is tensed and impatient she only expects ears to hear her. If she doesn’t find that in her husband then only she comes to complain it to you.

• Like your daughter you treat your DIL too. Like how you respect the privacy of your daughter & your son-in-law same way your son and DIL deserves it too.

• Any advice you give your girl, don't make it emotionally but wisely. Ensure that it is understood by her in right way. Let your wisdom and experience brighten her life.

Happy Parent-in-lawhood 

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Also check other related posts :-

1. Quick life guide to Groom
2. Quick life guide to Bride 
3. Quick life guide to Bride as well as Groom  

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Crochet V-stitch Cell Cozy

I missed to post my cell phone cozy here. I made this after I changed my timing from evening to morning walks. Morning is a pleasant time when pollution in air is comparitively less compared to evening time. The birds are active chirping, trees looks fresh after a sleep to rejuvenate us for the day with their oxygen factory.... oho! I am taking you somewhere else!!

Instead of carrying it in hand I thought why not make a mobile cover for myself and thus ended up making this cell cozy which I can hang in my neck.

Used silk thread for this project (told by the vendor). It comes in many colours with a shine.  It is a local make and didn't have a brand label on it.  The thread is thick and stretches while in use & contracts when not in use.

Many crochet mobile cozies in the market here which has a shine is made using this thread.

I used I-cord method for making the chord for hanging it on neck. You can check the video for it here  

Made some chains for base foundation, followed by two rows of SC around and then V-stitch around till desired length.

I liked this gorgeous button which goes well with this silk thread.

Happy Crocheting

crochet flower bag

Presenting  Crochet Flower Bag

Though I finished this bag long back, this time I wanted to get the lining and stitching zip done by a tailor for a change. But I feel I should have done this by myself now. He could not get it, the finish I expected.

Those who want to give it a try, click on the link to get the tutorial.

I started this say more than 8 months back and kept it aside unfinished as I could not get the same yarn colour in the market.

I used 4 ply thick acrylic wool for this work which is easy to wash and dry. This is a very interesting project which I enjoyed doing very much. 

Just do two flower motifs and one connector piece a day.... you will finish it within a month.

Happy Crocheting

Crochet Scarf - Pink

I  was hooked to some crochet project which I will share with you one by one in the coming days.

A beautiful scarf in baby pink colour finished just now. Because of the light effect the exact colour has not come in this picture. But in the following pictures you can see its beautiful baby pink colour.

 
I used Vardhaman 4 ply light weight knitting yarn (around 400gm) and crochet hook Tulip (Japan) No.1.75mm hook.

The finished length measures :- 64" excluding tassels

I made 57 nos. of motif and joined them and finally gave a v-stitch border at both ends, then attached 7 nos. of tassels at each end.

The motif design (courtersy google search) :-

My finished work - motif close up shot :-

 

Exact colour has come in the above picture