Marriage is an important turning point not only in the couple's life but also the life of the people closely related to them.
People who have grown up so many years in two different environments comes together to start a life. Both will have difference in their thoughts and actions.
No one can change themselves 100% to suit the new environments. It is not fair to expect it to happen from one person. Adjustment should happen between husband and wife, DIL and her in-laws, son and his parents / siblings equally.
Like how we prepare ourselves to face an exam or an interview, the same way, the bride, the groom and the in-laws should prepare themselves a little for the new role they are going to play and on the new responsibility they need to take.
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For the boy’s parents :-
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You want your son to get married. That means your involvement in
arranging and conducting the marriage no less to the Girl’s parents. So
be matured enough to come forward to share the responsibilities.
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Co-ordinated effort (not intervention) will make the event a great
success. Thus make it even more memorable not only for you but also for
many viz., your son, your DIL, your DIL’s Parents, relatives of both
sides. If no one has done it in your family, you become the role model
and bring in the change.
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While you talk about fixing the marriage be clear on what your
expectation is. You and the girls parents if talk & plan together,
unnecessary spending can be curtailed. If girl’s parents insist on
spending then make them understand if that money is of better use then
let them make an Fixed Deposit in the name of their daughter which will
help her in long way.
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When you mention “do as per your capacity. We have no demands” let that
word come from your heart. Never find faults and complain later.
Instead be responsible matured parent and lend your support to the
girl’s parents to avoid any faults or just accept things as they are
because it your son’s marriage. You want to make it pleasant right?
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Two families are going to come together that means both side relatives
are also coming together. Earning a relation is not an easy job. Hence
ignore small mistakes and learn to live with a smile.
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The girl who is going to marry your son is also going to be part of your
family hence a ‘family member’. Never treat and never ever think her as
an outsider in any situation.
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Girl is born and brought up in a different environment. Every girl for a
marriage may not be perfect as married life is going to be a first
& important experience in her life. Marriage for her is like
uprooting a grown up tree to a new place which may require lot of time
for the tree to settle in the new place. Understand that and make her
feel comfortable by giving her a friendly & homely environment.
Forget your egos as it will lead you to nowhere near peace in the
family.
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Consider the bride as your daughter and not ‘like’ your daughter.
Both term has a huge gap in meaning. Never allow that gap come in the
relationship. You are already parents to a child / children hence
showing parental affection, love and responsibility towards a new
married girl coming to your home is not a new thing for you.
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At the same understand that for her it is not going to be an easy task
to consider you as her parents unless you show her the true parental
love towards her.
"RESPECT AND LOVE should be reciprocated"
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Give respect and take respect should be realized in right manner. Giving
respect doesn’t mean one should respect you for your age. But it means
respect you for your wonderful thoughts, words and actions. It means
“Respect you for the person in you and not for your age”.
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No one likes to be commanded. So win your place in her heart with your
love and not with your command. You are elders but show that
elderliness in your matured responsible thoughts, words and actions.
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You have also passed that newly-wed experience in your life. The
chemistry between you and your spouse might have been different but you
must learn to adjust with the change of time. Hence never interfere in
your son’s life.
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You may have a daughter who might have come with her husband to stay
with you. Never let your son & DIL’s privacy go off while you try to
make your daughter & son-in-law feel have their privacy at your
home. Like your daughter and son-in-law, your son and DIL also shares
the same relationship between them. If this simple thing is understood
& practiced major problems will not arise.
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Never interfere in any fights between your son and DIL unless you are
matured enough to handle them unbiased. If you feel that your DIL has no
right to talk like that with your son that only means that you are not
considering her as a part of the family or as your son’s wife.
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Never fight or argue in front of your son & DIL. If you do so, you
only set a bad example to them because married life is a new experience
for them.
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If you have any complaints about your DIL never tell that directly to
her. Instead talk to your son but definitely not in a complaining mode
or tone but as a responsible parent by keeping your cool. But make it
clear to him that you want him to handle this diplomatically and not
emotionally. After all DIL is your family member and your son’s
happiness also depends on her’s.
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Find out the interest of your DIL and suitably reward her (take your
son’s help wherever required) which will bring a lovely bond between you
both which is very very essential in any relationship.
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Last but not the least, your DIL has equal responsibility on her parents
like your son does for you. So never complain when she has to deliver
her duties towards her parents. Give your full support.
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You be an example to your Son and Daughter-in-law so that he / she will
become a good mother / father not only to their child / children but
also for the future son-in-law(s) / daughter –in-law(s)
Wish you a lovely enjoyable Parent-in-lawhood
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For the Girl’s Parents:- 
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Never feel yourself inferior to boy’s parents. You are equal
counterparts. Time has changed. Instead of keeping a distance, try to
befriend them.
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If you find boy’s side very demanding, think whether your daughter will
be happy living with them. Because in India the tradition demands
various things / rituals on various occasions. Only when you are
confident of doing all that in future, you proceed.
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Commit only things that are within your capacity. Taking loans and
ruining your future will not make your daughter happy as she will be
thinking about you.
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If the Boy’s parents tell you not to spend money unnecessarily and still
you want to spend money better go as per the advise and make an FD in
your daughter’s name for the amount you have saved which will help her.
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Make your daughter realize the responsibility she is going to take, how
she should live in her new environment etc. Never make her feel inferior
to anyone. Impart the virtue of patience in her.
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Give her a support wherever required. Never interfere in her family
matters unnecessarily. You as a parent should act more maturedly and
responsibly incase she complains about her family. Hear her and
diplomatically make her understand on how to handle situations. Because
when she is tensed and impatient she only expects ears to hear her. If
she doesn’t find that in her husband then only she comes to complain it
to you.
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Like your daughter you treat your DIL too. Like how you respect the
privacy of your daughter & your son-in-law same way your son and DIL
deserves it too.
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Any advice you give your girl, don't make it emotionally but wisely.
Ensure that it is understood by her in right way. Let your wisdom and
experience brighten her life.
Happy Parent-in-lawhood
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to each other irrespective of how old you are. Love will prevail till you reach the destination of this journey.
Actual life starts only late because it takes years to get that bond hence breaking of pre-matured relationship should be avoided wherever possible.
